


Against All the Odds

by mywritingbox



Series: Fili and Liliana [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 20:51:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12261849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywritingbox/pseuds/mywritingbox
Summary: Imagine Fili’s reaction to you getting pregnant only to have a miscarriage.





	Against All the Odds

**Author's Note:**

> The couple here are the cuties from my previous Fili oneshot, No Interruptions. I had already started to write something else about these two but once again, imaginexhobbit helped inspire me by this post. Trigger warnings for pregnancy troubles and miscarriage.

“Liliana, please open the door.”

“No.”

“Please…Lily, we need to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to say!”

Fili sighed and lightly thudded his fist against the door of their bedroom. He had stood there for the past 15 minutes trying to coax her out of the room or to at least let him inside but no chance. He understood why she was upset, he did, but pushing him out solved nothing.

“Liliana, please. It’s not a disaster. We could always try again after a while.”

He heard a thud and then the sound of her footsteps approaching the door and it flew open.

“Try again for what? Another chance at disappointment? At failure?” she hissed. “I think not.”

He looked her over and was taken aback by how utterly miserable she looked. Her tear-stricken face and the redness around her eyes shattered his heart and he stepped in to wrap both his hands around her.

“Liliana.” He spoke softly, pulling back and cupping her face between his hands and gently wiping the tears gushing down her face. “Little dove…everything’s going to be alright. We’ll wait a little and try again if you want. Please don’t be like this. Let’s just talk it out…I hate seeing you like this.”

Liliana sniffled and looked at Fili, her eyes searching his for a moment before she shoved him away and out the door, choking out a sob. She slammed the door shut and Fili staggered back in shock.

“Liliana! For Mahal’s sake, talk to me!” he begged in aggravation.

“Just go away!” she sobbed and he sighed before stalking away from the door in frustration. He made his way to the balcony that they had united in four years ago after the success of the battle and leaned against the railing with a groan of defeat.

Four years. They’d been happily married for four years; although the last two hadn’t been as happy as they’d hoped. The first year had been the most blessed because they hadn’t bothered to start expanding their family and they had started trying in the second year instead. The first time she had been with child, was one of the happiest moments they had shared but unfortunately, the happiness didn’t’ last long; three moons into the pregnancy, Liliana had lost the child. As their marriage progressed, Liliana had more trouble conceiving and keeping the pregnancy, resulting in multiple miscarriages.

Fili held his head between his hands, at a complete and utter loss for what he could do for his little dove. He’d seen the look on her face so many times already; how exhausted, crushed, and anxious she was every time a pregnancy would occur and then fail. Adding to all this was the constant pressure of everyone wanting them to have a child; rumors about them having a ruined marriage, constant questions about why they haven’t had children yet, and the stares people gave them whenever seen together. Liliana felt suffocated and though Fili did his best to be by her side as much as he could, whenever the situation occurred, he lost a little bit of her each time. The latest had been yesterday morning.

–

“Prince Fili!”

Fili looked up from the dining table where he was sharing breakfast with the family and immediately knew something was wrong at the panic written all over the chambermaid’s face.

“What is it, Arowyn?” he asked, already getting out of his seat.

“It’s Princess Liliana.” She answered. “I believe she’s had another miscarriage but she won’t allow anyone in the bath chambers to assist her!”

“Miscarriage?” Dis asked and Fili shared her look of confusion. “You didn’t say she was expecting!”

“I…didn’t know.” Fili muttered then instantly ran towards their bath chambers, with Arowyn on his heels and Dis quickly following.

“Did she say anything?” he questioned as they took the stairs in a rush. “What happened?”

“She was crying and we just heard a crash but she wouldn’t allow us in.” she quickly rambled off. “That’s all we know.”

Fili made his way to the door of the bath room panting, and paused in front of the door, hearing the soft sob that he had heard one too many times already.

“Liliana! Open the door!” he demanded desperately, banging on the door.

“GO AWAY!” she screamed and he heard a crash against the door. “I told you all to leave me alone!”

“Liliana, please tell me what happened! Open the door or I swear it I’ll break it down.”

“Fili, j-just go. I’m fine.” he heard her croak and it took him all the strength in the world to not break everything in sight.

“What is it? What happened?” Dis asked immediately, catching up. “Why haven’t you gone in?”

“She won’t let me.” He muttered then leaned against the door in distress and groaned.

“Talk to her, dear. You want her to be alright.” Dis said softly. “I don’t want to say anything in case she doesn’t want me here.”

He looked at his mother and sighed before speaking again. “Lily, love. Please. Please let me in.” He spoke, his voice breaking at the last few words. “I need to know you’re alright…open the door. Please.”

A silence filled the hall around them and Fili let a few seconds pass, trying not to panic when he heard a muffled sniffle.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t get up and open the door.” She replied, her tone expressing just how broken she felt.

“Are you hurt? Did you break anything?” he asked in alarm, yanking at the door handle. “I’m going to break the door open!”

Gesturing for his mother and Arowyn to step aside, he mustered all his will and threw himself against the door, once, twice, and then it broke open. Shoving the door fully open, he felt his feet ready to give away under him as Liliana looked up at him with the most crushed and dejected expression he’d ever seen come across her face. He took in the setting; how she was on the floor, in her own blood and attempting to clean it with a cloth and sponge.

“There’s so much blood.” She whispered pitifully, gesturing limply with the cloth in her hand. “Why is there always so much blood?”

Fili felt himself break into pieces and he gently approached her, leaning down on his knees next to her. Looking her over, he pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms firmly around her and let out a shaky breath. He held her silently for a few minutes as he took a few more deep breathes to get his own emotions under control, before pulled her back and lifted her chin to look at him but she refused to meet his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t you let anyone come in? We’re only trying to help you, love.” He whispered and she shook her head, her bottom lip trembling.

“My mess.” She mumbled tiredly. “It’s my mess to clean.”

“No.” he dismissed bitterly, shaking his head. “This isn’t a mess, let alone your mess.”

“I’m tired, Fili. So tired.”

“Alright… Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Holding her close to his chest, he turned to face his mother who had been standing at the doorway and found Kili there, standing with her with a grim expression on his face, both waiting for a sign from Fili. He gestured to his mother and mouthed.

‘Bath. Get a hot bath.’

She nodded and had Arowyn follow her. Kili watched them go and turned back to Fili.

“Brother…I could help you carry her, if you’d like.”

Fili smiled sadly at Kili and shook his head. “No worries. I’ll take her.”

Kili grabbed one of the towels that hung in the room and put it in Fili’s arms before Fili brought one arm under Liliana’s legs and the other supported her as he stood up and carried her in his arms. He slowly made his way through the doorway with Kili behind him. Clapping a hand lightly on Fili’s shoulder, he nodded towards the hall.

“I’ll go tell them to prepare her a meal. She’ll need it.”

Fili nodded his thanks before walking down the hall towards the bath chambers that was mostly used by his mother. He found her inside, finishing the preparation of the bath. Fili waited patiently, murmuring words of care to Liliana who just stared blankly ahead and he sighed.

Dis nodded to him and walked out when the room was ready, closing the door behind her. Fili looked down at Liliana’s face and said gently, “I’m going to put you down now, alright? We’re going to clean you up, little dove.”

He waited a few seconds and with a sniffle, Liliana nodded. Fili put her down gently and kept an arm around her as he slowly slipped the ruined sleeping gown off of her and she shivered. Fili tossed it to the side with the towel then seeing her empty expression, he brought his hand under her chin and lifted up, leaning in to tenderly kiss her; he wanted to spend every waking minute kissing that emptiness away.

Pulling back, Fili gave her a small smile and tapped her nose gently before walking her over to the tub. Liliana slowly slipped into the water and sank in, stopping when the water reached her neck and she let out a drained groan. Fili looked her over for a moment then slid off his own shirt and sat on the floor, next to the tub with his arms resting on the edge. Liliana leaned her head on his left arm and pulled the other in the tub, clasping both her hands on his and he looked at her, concerned.

“Little dove?” he asked and she looked up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her bottom lip trembled and she laid her head back on his arm, keeping her eyes on their hands in the water.

“I didn’t want you to get excited and then disappointed again.” She whispered and a small sob escaped her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, nothing to be sorry for, Lily.” He replied, leaning in and kissing the top of her head. “Nothing at all…I only want you to be happy. We can just both put this behind us for now.”

A silence fell between them and Fili titled his head to glance at her and frowned, seeing the tears roll down her face again, then he pulled his hand from hers to wipe them away.

“Love…I know you’re upset but —“

“This isn’t the first time.” She muttered and he blinked.

“I know it’s not but that doesn’t mean –“

“No.” she wept. “This…this isn’t the first time I-I haven’t told you.”

Fili froze. “What do you mean?” he questioned in a hush. Liliana sniffled again and looked up to his eyes, tearfully.

“I had another one. Before. Just like this.” She confessed with a choked sob. “O-only no one knew of the situation…and I cleaned it up alone. Then went back to bed.”

“Lily….” Fili spoke in disbelief, his eyes glazing over hers.

“I’m sorry. No one was supposed to know this time either!” She sobbed. “I d-didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to hurt you again!”

“Hurt me?!” he cried and she flinched against his arm. “You could’ve been hurt! How could you hide something like this! In a situation like that, you shouldn’t have been alone!””

“It d-doesn’t matter.” She mumbled, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand.

“Yes it does! This is important to me. Everything that has to do with you is important to me, Liliana!” he spoke, his frustration echoing back at them in the bath room. “I don’t care about disappointment, I care about you.”

“I am the disappointment.” Liliana stated quietly and before Fili could respond, she turned away from him, facing the other side. “I’m a disappointment to everyone in this home and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

Fili sighed, regretting his outburst and reached to her shoulder to pull her back to him but she shook it off. “Liliana…I’m –“

“There’s nothing more to say, Fili. I don’t wish to speak of this anymore.”

—-

Since that statement yesterday morning, Fili had barely gotten a word out of her. After her bath, she had laid in bed without saying a word, only crying. Fili had begged her to eat and only to appease him did she swallow a few bites. He knew she hadn’t slept well either and he tried to comfort her as best as he could but he wasn’t sure how to anymore.

He ran his hands through his hair before grunting loudly. He was so tired. And he missed his Lily. Fili turned and made his way back to their bedroom, deciding he wouldn’t say anything till she chose to speak. Stopping in front of the door, he sighed and knocked softly.

“It’s me, Liliana.”

“I left it open.” He heard her muffled response and slowly, Fili opened the door and stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him and he found her curled in a fetal position with her back facing him on their grand bed. He approached the bed and sat down on the edge, letting the silence between them fill up the room.

Once he could no longer bear it, he cleared his throat and asked quietly, “Do you want them to bring you something to eat?”

It took a minute before she responded with a ‘no’ and the silence between them continued. A frustration like no other spread through his body like wildfire but he couldn’t bring himself to add more to her despair She’d always said it before that the ladies had it tougher; that she especially had it tougher because being married to a prince without giving him a heir made her useless and she was looked down upon. Though he disagreed, he knew he would never fully experience it the way she did.

“Fili?”

His head snapped up when she spoke and he moved himself around to the other side of the bed, kneeling on the floor facing her.

“Yes, Lily?” he asked, reaching out for her hand but she held back. Their eyes met and Fili knew she was going to say something he wasn’t going to like.

“I don’t want us to try anymore.” She said softly and Fili looked at her, speechless. Through the time they’d been trying and failing at conceiving a child, this was her lowest point; to just give up.

“That’s…that’s a big request, Liliana.” He replied after a moment. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She stated firmly, looking away from him. “I’m tired, Fili. I’m tired of the disappointment. I’m tired of the pity glances. I’m tired of all the talk, of all the questions, of the whole process!”

She closed her eyes as fresh tears slid down her face and Fili instantly moved up on the bed next to her, pulling her in his arms and lap. Liliana pulled her legs against her chest and laid her head on his shoulder with a sniffle and then a sigh.

“I know this isn’t what you’d want to hear. It’s not fair to you but it’s not fair to me either, Fili.” She continued in a whisper. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired.”

Fili’s arms tightened around her and he felt his own emotions rising. He heard every painful experience in her tone and he’d do anything to take it all away; but the idea of not having children with her broke his heart. He had pictured it so many times as they had grown up; the days of them being married and having children running around making obnoxious noises around them. He wasn’t sure how to respond now that she was completely shutting down this dream.

“I…I understand.” He finally managed after a few moments of silence had passed. “I understand, little dove. I hate seeing you like this and we’ll do whatever makes you… happy.”

A silence fell between them again as the two pondered over the conversation separately; both wanting the happiness of the other but happiness came with difficult sacrifices.

“I came to a solution though.” Liliana said slowly and Fili titled his head to look at her curiously. Her tired eyes met his as she spoke. “You should marry another. Find yourself another lady who could give you the family you’ve wanted…it’s only fair to you. Four years is enough of a wait.”

Fili looked at her with what he thought was disbelief but his exact expression was unreadable as he glanced at the female that was the love of his life.

“Are you…are you mad? Do you hear yourself?” he snipped, outraged at her suggestion. “You think that I would just—just get up and throw you to the side to have children with another lady?”

“I just want you to be happy and g-get the family you want!” Liliana cried, her bottom lip trembling. She pulled herself out of his lap and sat across from him, wiping at the tears that kept streaming down her face. “I know how much you want children and if I can’t give them to you, you should have the right to try with s-someone else.”

“I don’t want to try anything with anyone else!” he barked at her, offended at this point, and she flinched at his tone. “You are my family, Liliana. Yes, I want children and I’ve always wanted them but if I’m not going to have them with you, I don’t want them.”

Liliana looked at him and was overwhelmed with his love for her and just how much she loved him. She threw her arms around him and sobbed openly now. Fili’s arms instantly wrapped around her and kissed the top of her head, knowing that he would be willing to give up his entire world for her sake. It took a few moments for Liliana’s emotions to calm down and when they did, she kept her head rested on his shoulder.

“I wanted to give you everything.” She finally whispered.

“You are everything I’ve always wanted and it’s always going to be only you.” Fili said and his tone had softened incredibly. “Only you, little dove. I want nothing to do with anyone else. You are the only lady in my life and the only family I need.”

A tear slid down her cheek and she sniffled. “What if you change your mind later on?”

“It’ll only take one look at you to remind me how stupid I’d be to lose you.” He replied then smiled softly as he wiped away the last of her tears. “You could also just tell Kili and he’d be more than happy to give me a much-needed smack.”

She chuckled lightly and he leaned in to kiss her. When he pulled away, he let his finger gently slide down her cheek, caressing her and she gave him a small smile.

“I cherish you so much, my prince.”

“And I adore you so much, my little dove.”

Liliana pulled closer and climbed into his lap again, cupping his face and kissed him deeply, feeling a giant weight off her shoulders that she had Fili’s support in this decision. He chuckled into their kiss and bringing his arm around her waist, he gently flipped them over so that he hovered over her, his kisses quickly traveling down her neck and back up to her lips. Moving his body up to lay down next to her, Fili pulled her close to him and Liliana rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arm around him.

“Liliana?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t ever hide anything from me again, please.” Fili said and Liliana heard the plea in his voice.

“Never again.” She replied, tightening her grip around him. “I’m sorry. I was scared.”

“You never have to be scared of telling me anything. You know that, silly girl.” He replied, planting a kiss to the top of her head and she gave a small smile. “It’s you and I against the world, remember?”

“Always?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome :)


End file.
